• Blog
  • Contact Us
    • Contact a Guest
    • Guest Services Contacts
  • Privacy Policy
Drala Mountain Center
  • RETREATS
    • All Retreats
    • The Buddhist Path
    • Meditation & Mindfulness
    • Creative Expression
    • Yoga & Wellness
    • The Natural World
    • Online and Hybrid
    • Self-Guided Getaway
    • Host Your Retreat
      • Plan Your Retreat
      • Group Spaces
      • Program Space for Educators
  • CAMPUS
    • Grounds & Facilities
    • Visiting
    • Getting Here
    • Driving Directions and Map to DMC
    • Rideshare
    • Lodging / Rates
    • The Great Stupa of Dharmakaya
    • DMC Virus & Flu Protocol
  • Jobs/Volunteer
    • Volunteer
    • Join Our Staff
  • ABOUT
    • Our Organization
    • Our Living Lineage
    • Mission and Values
    • The Governing Council
    • Financial Assistance
    • Eco-Forestry Work
    • DMC Press Center
  • Donate
  • Click to open the search input field Click to open the search input field Search
  • Menu Menu
  • Link to Facebook
  • Link to Instagram
  • Link to Youtube

A Peek into Our Personal Styles of Relating with Conflict

Mindful Living, Relationships, Social Engagement

If we pay attention to our lives, we may find that conflict is unavoidable, perhaps even natural. And, if we are like Zen teacher Diane Musho Hamilton, we may go so far as to say that if we learn to get curious about conflict, we can discover great creative potential in the flames of this energy.

Hamilton teaches that there are *three basic styles of relating to conflict:

  • Avoidance — which has to do with moving away from these situations
  • Accommodating — which has to do with adapting to whomever is dissatisfied in order to smooth things out
  • Aggressive — which is the competitive approach of fighting for one particular side

Interestingly, these three main styles correspond to the Buddhist notion of the three poisons — which are the basic habitual styles of thinking and behaving which cause suffering for ourselves and others.

The three poisons are passion, aggression, and ignorance — which correspond, respectively, to the accommodating, aggressive, and avoidance styles of relating to conflict. (*Note: she also presents a fourth style — passive aggressive — which is a mix of ignorance and aggression)

The good news is that each of these styles has a wisdom aspect which is worth cultivating. Indeed, it can be useful and necessary to learn when and how to move away from certain conflicts, empathize with people who are engaged in conflict, and deliver clear arguments for ideas we feel strongly about.

Of course, as with all actions, if we are simply acting out these styles habitually, we may not be helping things along. Most likely, we are adding to the confusion and negativity of the situation.

The path is to become more aware of our tendency towards each of these styles, and begin to cultivate the ability to discern what approach is helpful in various situations.

If this seems like a fruitful train of inquiry for you, I invite you to listen to a brief introduction to this topic from Diane Musho Hamilton by clicking here.

And to go further, you can check out this video.

And, to really work with these teachings, you can come to Shambhala Mountain Center June 17-21 and participate in the four day retreat that Diane is leading on this theme.

Shambhala Mountain Center hosts Everything is Workable: Transforming Everyday Conflicts into Creative Opportunities with Diane Musho Hamilton, June 17-21, 2016 — click here to learn more

About the Authors

diane-hamilton-235x235Diane Musho Hamilton is an author, professional mediator, and master facilitator. She has been a meditator for more than 30 years, and is a Zen priest and teacher in the White Plum Lineage. She is the author of Everything is Workable: A Zen Approach to Conflict Resolution (Shambhala Publications). dianemushohamilton.com

 

travisTravis Newbill is a writer, musician, and aspirant on the path of meditation.  He currently resides at Shambhala Mountain Center, where he handles the SMC Blog, and other marketing tasks. He also gives tours of the Great Stupa and is empowered as a Shambhala Guide — a preliminary teaching position. TravisNewbill.com 

May 4, 2016
Tags: Diane Musho Hamilton
https://www.dralamountain.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/IMG_6500.jpg 453 680 admin https://www.dralamountain.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Drala-logo-1.jpg admin2016-05-04 21:36:142023-05-09 13:04:36A Peek into Our Personal Styles of Relating with Conflict
You might also like
Diane Musho Hamilton on Creativity, Emotions and the Necessity of Conflict
Search Search

Recent Posts

  • Summer Renewal for Educators
  • New from Drala Mountain Center – Upcoming Town Hall, Big Changes, and Land Updates
  • Land Update: An Exciting Mindfulness Weekend At Drala Mountain Center
  • Our Direction for Drala Mountain Center
  • The Ultimate Guide to Planning a Yoga Retreat in Colorado

Recent Comments

  • Michael Gayner on Our Direction for Drala Mountain Center
  • Michael Gayner on Our Direction for Drala Mountain Center
  • Mark Carter on Our Direction for Drala Mountain Center
  • Chodpa on Thoughts on Mahamudra Retreats
  • smith loe on retreat

Archives

Categories

  • Compassion
  • Creative Expression
  • Daily Practice
  • Death
  • Donor Development
  • Enlightenment
  • Governing Council
  • Land Updates – What's Happening At DMC
  • Leadership
  • Life at SMC
  • Lojong
  • Meditation
  • Mind Training
  • Mind-Body
  • Mindful Living
  • Mindfulness
  • Nature
  • News / Announcements
  • Relationships
  • Resources for Meditation: Articles by Loden
  • Self Care
  • Self-Care
  • Social Engagement
  • Tibetan Medicine
  • Uncategorized

Visit

  • Driving Directions and Map to DMC
  • Getting Here
  • Rideshare
  • Gift Certificates

Giving

  • Donate
  • Other Ways to Give
  • Volunteer
  • Volunteer Application

Policies

  • Rates, Payments, Cancellations
  • Children
  • Land Rules
  • Liability Release
  • Code of Ethics
  • Whistleblower Policy
  • Anti-Discrimination Policy
  • Virus & Flu Safety Policy
  • Financial Assistance
  • Recording Release
  • Rental Guest Terms and Conditions

Contact

  • Address

    Drala Mountain Center
    151 Shambhala Way
    Red Feather Lakes, CO 80545

  • Phone

    1-970-881-2184

  • Email

    frontdesk@dralamountain.org

  • Join Our Staff

  • Program Proposal Form

  • Media Requests

  • Join Our Affiliate Program

© 2025 Drala Mountain Center:: Website by Integritive Web Design :: Asheville, NC | Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions
Scroll to top Scroll to top Scroll to top