By Blake D Bauer
Excerpt from the International bestseller, You Were Not Born To Suffer by Blake D Bauer
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If your supposed best friend or your intimate partner continuously betrayed you, day in and day out for years, would you trust them? Of course not, and this is precisely why you do not trust yourself. The criticism, judgement, aggression, betrayal and harm you give yourself is the root cause of weak self-confidence, low self-esteem and a lack of faith in life, the universe and God. The primary reason so many of us do not have faith in ourselves, in our life’s purpose, in life itself, in the universe or in God right now is because we know that in the past we have not related to ourselves from a place of unconditional love, kindness and honesty. Rather, we know we’ve hurt ourselves by lying to ourselves, compromising ourselves, abandoning ourselves, not valuing ourselves, and by not expressing our truth. Most of us do not trust ourselves because we keep betraying ourselves on a daily basis out of fear. We keep giving away our personal power, happiness and security to other people in exchange for their conditional and often toxic love, acceptance, approval and support.
Ideally, we are meant to be our own best friends, but when we betray and hurt ourselves so often we make it quite difficult for us to trust ourselves. As we’ve seen, our relationship to ourselves is what determines how we perceive and relate to the outer world. So when we feel distrust for life, the universe or God, it’s really a symptom of the fact that we do not trust ourselves to be kind, honest and respectful of our true feelings, needs and desires. This is also why using affirmations like ‘I love myself’ or ‘I believe in myself’ often do not feel effective or true. We’re aware of the fact that we’ve been horrible to ourselves, and if we’re still not treating ourselves well, then of course we won’t believe that we’re lovable or capable.
The only way to reignite our trust in ourselves and thus our faith in life itself, the universe and God is to commit to being true to ourselves and honest with others in every situation. I’ve found that we’re all born with an inherent faith that cannot be broken or taken away. It’s like a seed of knowing and confidence within us that is just waiting to blossom and fill our being and our life. Once we stop compromising ourselves for other people’s love, acceptance, approval and support, both our belief in ourselves and our self-esteem naturally strengthen, which leads us to remember that we’ve both chosen and created all our life experiences to awaken the love, peace and joy within us fully. As we learn to stop betraying ourselves, we’re then free to give ourselves the loving attention and care we need for the faith within us to expand infinitely. Eventually, through this process the seeds of clarity, certainty and confidence burst wide open and fill our heart and mind. Through being true to ourselves with each word and action, we finally remember that everything is, always has been and always will be perfect just the way it is. Including ourselves.
I have been away from my own soul too long, so late sleeping,
But that dove’s crying woke me and made me cry. Praise to all early waking grievers! Some go first, and others come long afterward. God blesses all in time … how to say this to one
who denies it?
We are all made of the sky’s cloth, and everything
is soul and flowering. Everything is soul and flowering. Everything is soul and flowering! ~Jalaluddin Rumi
The trust we have in ourselves, in our life’s purpose, in life itself, in the universe and in God are tested every day. We are constantly called to follow the voice of our heart and to break through fear, doubt and our self-imposed limitations. Our rational mind may say, ‘But how can that work out?’ or ‘That’s what I want and need, but I don’t think it’s possible,’ or ‘I don’t deserve that.’ But even in these moments, a part of us still knows that it’s possible to do, have, create and experience what we desire most in life. Deep down, our true self knows the love inside of us is strong enough to break through every internal and external barrier to enjoying life.
Our lives would be significantly easier if we had learned that there is a fundamental perfection that permeates all of nature and the entire universe. We would all be able to accept ourselves, stop living in fear and thus be completely at peace, if we truly knew that everything is always as it’s meant to be, even if we do not fully understand it or like it. If we cannot see and feel this perfection unfolding within our lives right now, it’s only because we’re still betraying ourselves somehow. And, as a result, we have not healed or understood the emotional pain that still lives beneath our fears and limiting beliefs. This emotional pain is really the only obstacle that blocks the unshakeable trust that’s already alive within each of us. Personally, I’ve found the most empowering perspective to be one where we view life now as though we have selfishly created our lives to one day learn how to enjoy each day fully in a healthy way. This also entails the view that one hundred per cent of our unhappiness, anxiety and sickness stems from all of the times we have not related to ourselves with acceptance, kindness and respect, but rather have let ourselves down.
Seen in this light, any struggle that is present in our lives today is in fact the exact obstacle we need to face and transform in order to heal and move forward in fulfilling our life’s purpose. The lessons around loving ourselves unconditionally that we’re here to master are present within the aspects of our lives that we’re currently not at peace, happy or satisfied with. Once we accept that everything is always exactly as it is meant to be, we can allow ourselves to trust that we’re exactly where we need to be, doing exactly what we need to be doing, in order to master the lessons necessary to overcome fear, guilt, shame and insecurity. We were never taught that our lives are embraced by a larger, universal story that is much bigger than our individual lives. However, once we expand our perception on life to include the universe’s ever-present perfection, we can finally open to trusting life wholeheartedly just as it is without constantly feeling negative or scared about caring for ourselves.
It is very liberating to know that everything that occurs in our lives occurs exactly when it’s supposed to, without any exceptions. We overcome fear when we’re ready. We stop betraying ourselves when we’re ready. We allow ourselves to enjoy our life when we’re finally ready to give ourselves permission to do so.
Everything that has ever occurred and everything that will ever occur is part of a larger natural order that we must learn to accept and co-operate with if we genuinely want to find lasting peace, health and happiness. In the same way that the seed of a rose bush sprouts roots, grows upward from the ground and eventually flowers in its own perfect time, our own life purpose, healing and freedom unfold exactly as and when we’re ready. A butterfly cannot break free from its cocoon until it’s strong enough to see the whole process through, in the same way as a human baby generally takes nine months to gestate before its body organs and entire being is ready for its new life in the outer world. We can never force an organic process and truly achieve a positive harmonious outcome, because all life naturally contains an inner awareness or intelligence that knows exactly when it’s time to take the next evolutionary step. What we can do now, however, is stop betraying ourselves. Even if we’re scared, we can find the courage to speak and act honestly and kindly so that we can learn to trust ourselves again.
In this short related video, Blake explores how to work with the self doubt so many of us struggle with. If you do, too, have a listen!
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About Blake D Bauer
Blake D. Bauer is the author of the international bestselling book You Were Not Born To Suffer. He has helped thousands of people around the world who could not find lasting solutions from conventional medicine, psychiatry, or religion. Blake has an extensive background in psychology, alternative medicine, nutrition, traditional healing, mindfulness meditation, and qi gong. Based on both his personal experience overcoming deep suffering, addiction, and adversity, as well as his professional work with over 100,000 people worldwide, his teachings integrate what he’s found to be the most effective approaches to optimal mental, emotional and physical health.